The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
