She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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