Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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