im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
