she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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