I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
