remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My penis needs a shock collar
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
