Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
