Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
