She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
