i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
