Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
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I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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