K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
