Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
