You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
