saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
