Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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