We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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