Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
