I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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