i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
