I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
