Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
