you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
