I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
