I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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