our cab driver is having phone sex.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
