If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm passing your future prison.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize