all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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