I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.