Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.