Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later