im six kinds of drunk right now
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
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She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
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Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.