I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm sobbing to NWA
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
