my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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