She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
