I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
