I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
