Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My pussy is not your playground.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
