he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Small penises have feelings too.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
