I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
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Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
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Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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