im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You ruined the universe
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
