I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
party gras won. party gras always wins.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
