the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
