Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
