i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
