I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
