I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
