So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
