but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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