Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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