yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
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This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
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It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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