Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
