U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
