She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Are we still banned from the library?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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