ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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