im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
