she kept yelling 'call me bella'
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
