Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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