Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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